You Can Reframe Limited Conceptions

“To forgive is to release another from the perceptions you’ve projected upon them.”

That goes deep into places I hadn’t plumbed before this. Who have I put into a box of some kind of limits? Oh, parents, siblings, relatives, friends, coworkers, employers, you name it.

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Once upon a time a woman bonded with a man. There was love between them. They lived happily, for a time.

One day the woman did something he chose to allow himself to think was “wrong.” He confronted her. He said he no longer could be near her.

She compressed herself, yet she felt fear and anger. She watched this man walk away, and thought, “There goes my love.” She wanted more from him, but he no longer would discuss his thoughts and feelings.

She reflected that when she yelled she saw him shrink. At first she felt justified in her anger, but realized it is never warranted. She began to wonder if maybe she felt a little guilt about how she’d done something that he found painful, and judged herself.

Not recommended. I become fascinated as I witness this between two friends that any of my reactive thoughts have led me to feel other than peaceful. A fearful thought led to anger, and it confused me. At home, in bed, I can’t sleep.

Confronted by this confusion, frustration, a tendency to judge, I begin to see it. I perceived from them only what I recognized in my self, as I had done or said something similar in the past. I had not forgiven or resolved it. I had a perception of this behavior that I projected onto myself as my identity, one that was not ideal and also limited me!

Our legal systems are based on punishment, not forgiveness (this isn’t to condone aberrant actions). A master once replied to a question about law with this: “Whoever has not done similar may throw the first stone.”

Forgiveness means to release another from the perceptions you have projected upon them (or self). How you define yourself impacts how you see others, and vice versa. Can we someday see only that unlimited self that lives in all, and care enough to offer help for those who don’t do so yet rather than condemnation?

A commitment leads to practice. ∆